You don’t get to make up most of your story. You get to make peace with it.
You don’t get to demand your life, like a given. You get to accept your life, like a gift.
Beginnings and middles, they are only yours to embrace, to unwrap like a gift.
But you get the endings. You always get the endings.
You get the endings and you get to make them a gift back to the Giver.
>>> Ann Voskamp
I’m twenty. Somehow it’s getting around campus that it’s my birthday – and when I run into a friend or someone asks me how old I am, I laugh and tell them twenty. “I’m getting so old!”
In a way, it’s true. I just left my teen years behind and this is a new phase of the story. But in a way, I’m more aware of how precious each day is. I know I’m not really old. The transition from teen to twenty isn’t as big as it seems.
But as I opened my Bible the other day and spoke to God about this next year, I realized something…
I get old every day. In a way.
Birthday or no birthday, time is passing with each sunset and sunrise. Maybe “officially” twenty years have passed since I first opened my eyes, but life doesn’t happen in leaps and bounds, on certain days of the year. Life is happening right now. It happened yesterday, it happens at midnight tonight, it happened the last time you said an unkind word and will happen the next time you unknowingly touch someone’s soul.
As a kid, birthdays always seemed like such an accomplishment. Adults always looked at birthdays with trepidation, and I never understood why. Birthdays are for being a new number, holding up another finger, exotic stamps on Grammie’s birthday cards, licking frosting off the knife. Adults complained about being old.
.
.
“But why think about that when all the golden lands ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you’re alive to see?”
>>> Jack Kerouac > On the Road
>>> Jack Kerouac > On the Road
Now I’m the one approaching adulthood. I think maybe I could safely say I’m an adult, at least in years.
But I want to be a different kind of adult. I don’t want to fear or dread getting older… and that’s because I don’t intend to lose the things that make youth.
I want to laugh carelessly, make mistakes and get over it, remember people’s feelings, stop for beautiful things.
I want to feel things deeply and not be afraid to show it.
I want to wear hoodies and not care about bad hair days, but realize that everyone has them.
Do random things, splash in puddles, watch thunderstorms, and wait for rainbows.
Open my eyes to a new day and count all the good things I know will happen.
Open my eyes to a new day and count all the good things I know will happen.
Draw, play guitar, and do the splits… I can’t do any of that very well but I want to try because I can at least try.
I want to be told something is impossible and I want to give my best to do it anyway.
I want to be a real woman. One who is known for loving God and personifying His heart.
I want to speak kind words and make art and play music and teach it and slow down and simplify.
I want close friends, miles and miles of memories, an open schedule.
And I will drive with the windows down and I’ll collect words.
I will love love love –
I want people to get close and know they can trust me.
As Jack London says, “I’d rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.”
Dance in the kitchen, give hugs, be there, and take pictures to remember God’s grace.
As Jack London says, “I’d rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.”
Dance in the kitchen, give hugs, be there, and take pictures to remember God’s grace.
I will listen with heart and watch with wisdom and speak with care.
It will be rough to be a follower of Christ through some parts of life, but I will do it anyway.
I realize that every moment is precious.
I want to gather life in tiny handfuls and grab it in fistfuls when I can.
I want to see God’s grace in every thing and His love in every moment.
I want to live worship every day with all my heart and soul.
I want to see God’s grace in every thing and His love in every moment.
I want to live worship every day with all my heart and soul.
I just want to BE whatever God makes possible. If that includes BEING Hannah, BEING full of grace, and BEING twenty, bring it on. Help me make the best of those endings that I’m given.
Happy unbirthday to those of you who are ready to live every precious day in a state of grace.
“Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand. You have made everything beautiful in your time. Through [Your] mercies we are not consumed, because [Your] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”
Psalm 139:14, Psalm 90:12, Psalm 139:17-18, Ecclesiastes 3:11, Lamentations 3:22-23
<3
Happy Birthday! =D
Mmm… I really appreciate this; I haven't gradutated quite yet, but I've felt "old" like you said, and… wow, I just really like your list of things you want to do,(and not do. =)) How you want to be a different Kind of adult. It's so hard to find role models for that though! =/ The ones that don't lose the things that make youth.
This is a very unique birthday post…thanks for sharing it. =)
~Jenny
P.s. Your outfit is lovely! You almost look like you stepped out of the 1950's, =D
with your skirt and pearls and hair and all. <3
I love all these pictures, gosh your pretty! Those words really encouraged and inspired me tonight. Life is happening right now. I tend to look at it in big pieces at times, but it really is the here and now, the little things. Thanks for that reminder. Totally wish I knew you cause I am a total "fan" of you and think you are so awesome. Okay bye and happy birthday.
Alina
Happy birthday, Hannah!
I absolutely LOVE your blog and your photography!
You're SO beautiful…these pictures of you are fabulous!(:
Beautiful Hannah! I needed to read this today.
I hope you had a most wonderful birthday, Hannah! =) This is such a beautiful post – love the writing + pictures!! Blessings, Hannah, as you begin your 20th year! <3
Happy birthday, Hannah! This is a lovely post, and you are gorgeous! xx
Aw,Hannah! Happy Birthday again. I so enjoyed these pictures (you're adorable), and your words. 20 feels like a brand new chapter, doesn't it? <3
Happy birthday! You are so cute!
XOXO Anna Rose
Loooooove this post. I love every word here. Just because you get older doesn't mean that you can't live young….
You are beautiful and I love these pictures.
Oh,and haaapppyyy birthday:)
Emily
you are so beautiful!!
The happiest of birthdays to you, Hannah!!! You are so gorgeous! (Yes, that's a bit of a side-note.)
And this post…. every word, every image. So true, so beautiful. 🙂 Thank you!
Happy Birthday! You are so beautiful 😀